The Five Types of People You Don't Want to Meet on the Tube

I've been writing this post in my head for a while and have never put it down on paper... but since I've started commuting again, my love/hate relationship with the Underground is back. The phrase is "Mind the Gap," but it should be "Mind Your Manners."

So here it goes; some Tube etiquette so that when you come to London, you do not end up as one of these people. Here are the five people you do NOT want to be or meet on the Tube:

The PDA Pair - This speaks for itself. The dreaded "too much public display of affection" couple. There is a very clear line. A small kiss, hug or hand hold, is fine. Making out, obscenely groping or doing anything where other passengers have to ask themselves "can she get pregnant from that?," is not. You'd be surprised what you see...

An Inconsiderate Pole Sleeper - He's the one that thinks, "I'm so tired. Ugh, getting out of bed sucked. And although this tube is packed, I'm too impatient to wait for one where there are seats available so I can sleep. But not to worry, I'll make this tube into my personal sleeping carriage! I'll just lean my entire body on the pole that is smack dab in the middle of the carriage and crush the five other passengers hands who are also hanging onto it. I'm just so tired..." I'm tired of protruding my knuckle so you feel it in your back : )
I get it. We are all tired. But we also have to all hang on. Find another door, wall, window to lean on!

The Obnoxious Passenger - This one usually comes in the form of teenager or a really, really drunk person. They are loud or think they're really, really funny... spoiler alert, they're not.
My commuter horror story: I once had a 13-year-old human bark in my ear. Yes, bark.

A DP Commuter - Also known as the "dance party" commuter. That person minding their own business listening to music... but it's so loud that the entire carriage can also hear it too. Can you hear my annoyance through those headphones? How are you not deaf by now?! Your music is so loud!

Captain Invisible - This is the person that thinks: I am sitting in a seat and I notice that a pregnant, elderly, or someone who is unable to stand passenger has boarded the carriage, but... if I don't see them, they can't see me! So I'll just pretend to look at my phone, close my eyes, or be so engaged with something else that someone else will have to get up and give them their seat. And yes, I have perfectly-working legs but karma's not so bad..."
I don't care if you are in the middle of the most amazing game of candy crush or the tube is so crowded that you won't be able to read your newspaper, if a pregnant woman gets on board, you give her your seat!

Don't be one of those people!

And now, for the most jaw-dropping thing Aaron and I have ever seen on the tube... Middle of day, inside the tube, a crazy, wide-eyed pregnant woman is laughing and mumbling holding a beer in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. That cannot be allowed.